Something A Little More..

Sure the presents are nice..

and the food and traditions are wonderful

but nothing is more important then the time spent with family.

That's what it's all about.

You can dress up the holiday with fancy decorations and extravagant gifts but ultimately it doesn't matter.

Material things only last so long

So how did you spend your christmas??

Enjoying the gifts??
or

Enjoying family?

The best gift I recieved was the news that I'm going to be and aunt

AGAIN!!

This makes #7

I could not be more excited!

There is nothing in this world I love more then my

nieces & nephews.

& That's what it's about.

FAMILY

The most important thing.

Don't take it for granted.



Peeking At My Past

I was feeling a little sentimental today, so I pulled out my memory box [every girl has one]

Suddenly I was filled with memories that had temporarily left my mind.

My first Applebeer with Rhett

Countless Birthday cards from when I was little

2 years of letters from Jaxon

My Honor Society medal

Photobooth pictures

My Graduation cap/certificate

Old journals

Pictures and memories with Brock

My summer with Jordan.

&

Numerous Letters

You know, despite all the heartache and drama, I've lived a good life. It has been full of mistakes and learning, love and loss, but it has been oh so good.

& there isn't a moment or memory I'd give away.

Looking back I've learned that..

Time heals all wounds.

That the little things are actually the big things.

That family never fails.

That life throws us curve balls.

That picking the right friends is the most important decision you'll make in your adolescence.

& that the memories we make here on this earth are the only things we get to take with us.

My life has been full of love.

Maybe not the romantic kind.

But the kind that supports you through all of life's struggles.

The kind that answers the phone at 2 am when you just need to talk.

The kind that is my shoulder to cry on every single time my heart breaks.

The kind that lasts a lifetime.

My life is crazy & sometimes too much to handle

BUT

What a wonderful life it is.

I'm not happy because everything is perfect nor because everything went my way. But I'm happy because things have sucked and been hard but I'm 

 doing just fine.

I may not have ended up where I wanted, but I think I'm where I'm meant to be.

I want to thank the people of my past. You have shaped me into the person I am today. You taught me about life and showed me how to love.

And to the people of my future...

Hold on!

It's gonna be a ride.

& every moment will be beautiful.

The memories are just waiting to happen.

Consuming Me

I have found almost everything ever to be written about love to be true.

Shakespeare said,

"Journey's end in lovers meeting"

What an extraordinary thought.

Personally I've never experienced anything remotely close to that, but I'm more then willing to believe that Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should.

I'm constantly amazed at it's shear power to alter and define our lives.

It was Shakespeare who also said,

"Love is Blind"

Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably

love fates

For others love is simply

Lost

But then of coarse love can also be found,

even just for a night.
But you should never settle.
Unless it is
Mad
Passionate
Extraordinary
Love
It's a waste of time.
There are too many mediocre things in life
Love,
should not be one of them.
& when you find that love
Hold on to it.
Opportunities like that are rare.
& we have to be vigilant in protecting them.
but most importantly..
for no reason at all,

Love Unconditionally

& you will find happiness.

I'm Not What I've Done. I'm What I've Overcome.

I have made many choices in my life.

Some had wonderful results;

Others, not so much.

I grew up in a country where I was given the freedom to make choices.

& God has given me the free will to choose for myself.

And every choice I've made 

whether good or bad;

Has taught me.

I've learned my strengths and my weaknesses.

I've learned that no matter what life throws my way,

I can handle it.

No fear.

I know I'll stumble.

I know I'll still face defeat.

But I can overcome anything.

Very few people know of the trials I've faced.

Even fewer can appreciate the hurt it took to face those trials.

 It's hard not to judge a book by it's cover

But I'm living proof as to why you shouldn't.

You may think you know me;

Funny thing is you don't even know the start.

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These people have found an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. 

-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

What I've Overcome by Fireflight

Today I Vow..

   There's only so many times you can allow someone to let you down before you can't handle the disappointment anymore. When things change, people change & it doesn't mean you forget the past, it simply means you try to move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting things that weren't meant to be. There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing  everyone, trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. You got to do what's right for you even if it hurts.
    I've come to realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive…because you are. And that pain you feel? That’s life. The confusion and fear? That’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better and that “something” is worth fighting for.

So as you make a vow to her today, I'm making a vow to myself.

I vow to keep fighting for the things I want most in this life, no matter how hard the fight might be.

I vow to never stop loving myself.
I vow go after every opportunity I'm given.

I vow to never stop believing in love.

 I vow to never settle for less then what I deserve.

&

I vow to live my life to the fullest.

 

Part of me will always love you.

My heart ached as I laid in bed, praying that time would stop and I wouldn't have to face the day.

But I recieved a soft subtle reassurance telling me...

[it's time to let go. it'll be okay.]

And it will.

Just breathe

 

Enough to Kill Me

I don't want a Cinderella story...

I don't even want a Twilight story...

All I want is....

My own story

My own.. Happy Ending.

'Tis the Season to be in love.

Kill me.

Every where I go, without fail, there are cute affectionate, adorable, cheesy couples.

And it seems like every time the holidays roll around it gets worse.

And after posting a FB status about this and getting 55 likes, it seems like I'm not the only one that notices this.

According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.

Well screw you Zeus.

Cause now I get a front row seat to watch every other mushy love story.

Ugh.

Couples in love have a penchant for display of affection. Their actions can draw stares, gaping mouths, and in some cases, intervention. Yet you have to admit that these cute couples, who are oblivious in love, teach the world a thing or two about nurturing relationships.

If you're like me and currently unattached, you know seeing their PDA makes you jealous and the thought crossed your mind..

 "I want a relationship like that"

Again thank you Zeus,

for testing my patience,

& making me continue my search.

"Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy.”

― Gordon B. Hinckley

Ohana.

There's something so special about seeing life in it's most fragile state. We forget how delicate this life really is and how fast it can be taken from us. In a moment's notice someone we love can be diagnosed with cancer, injured in an accident, or leave this earth without warning.

We aren't given a time limit.

Say "I love you" whenever you get the chance.

Let people know how much they mean to you.

And never, I mean NEVER let a moment pass without saying how you feel.

I was luck enough to go with my whole family this thanksgiving weekend to go see my grandma one last time before she passes away. She was diagnosed with a heart condition that puts her at risk of having a heart attack at any given moment. She could make it until next summer or not make it through the night. It's completely left to chance.

5 days.

 All 18 of us.

It was crazy.

chaotic.

sometimes messy.

&

almost more then I could take.

But..

it was one of the most memorable trips.

Spending time with the people I love most is somehthing I never regret.
&

I learned a lot about life in those 5 days.

First.

Life is too short.
Too short for anger and grudges.
 Too short to be anything but happy.

Second.

There is an unspoken bond between sibling. We fight, and yell and make fun of eachother, but at the end of the day, we always defend each other. And to the outside world, we all grow old. But not to my brothers and sister. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.

Third.

Children are contemptuous,  irritable, envious, sneaky, selfish, lazy, timid, liars and hypocrites, quick to laugh and cry, extreme in expressing joy and sorrow, especially about trifles, they'll do anything to avoid pain but they enjoy inflicting it.  They test my patience and my tolerance, and they're sometimes too much to handle.

 But my neices and nephews are my bridge to heaven.

Little angels brought into my life to love and be loved.

Fourth.

Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted. Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. 

Thank you God for a house full of people I love.

A Better Version Of Me

When someone asks... What do you look for in a guy?

More often then not you can except a response like..

Tall

Handsome

Successful

Funny

Outgoing

Athletic

But lets be honest girls. We all want the "perfect" man. I found a list I made in High School of traits my future husband would have. It really made me laugh. We are so incredibly picky, that we forget that everyone has flaws. Provo girls have this mind set that the grass is always greener, that there is someone out there that is better then the one we're with. So what do we do?
 We have options.

We keep a few boys around just because we are too comfortable playing the field.

So why is it that girls are incapable of seeing what they have when they have it?

Because we have too many dang options!

[This also completely applies to guys]

We're always on the prowl for something better.

I see it ALL the time. A demanding mediocer girl with a great guy, who gets taken advantage of.

& the girls who are guilty of this usually don't even deserve a guy of that caliber.

Here's what it comes down to.

It's not about finding the right person, It's about becoming the right person.

You can meet hundreds of people, go on a dozens  first dates, and spend all your time searching for
 Mr Right.
But what makes you think he's going to want to be with you if you aren't making yourself a better person.

I've decided I'm going to stop looking. I'm not going to search around trying to find a great guy to be with. Cause he'll come. On his own time. I hate it, but this is one of those things that is out of my control. I'm leaving it up to fate. But until then I'm gonna be working on me.
Because my future boyfriend and husband deserves me to be the best version of myself.
They deserve me to be...

Confident
Loving
Respectful
Supportive
Spontaneous
Honest
Organized
Loyal
Someone who would make a great wife
& and even better mother.
He deserves the best.

The world has enough woman who are tough;
We need women who are tender.
There are enough women who are course;
We need women who are kind.
There are enough women who are rude;
We need women who are refined.
There are enough women of fame and fortune;
We need more women of faith.
We have enough greed;
We need more goodness.
We have enough vanity;
We need more virtue.
We have enough popularity;
We need more purity.

If The Shoe Fits...

Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she can conquer the world

There are four important shoes a girl will wear in her lifetime..

Mom's shoes that she couldn't take off

Her first pair of heels

Her cowboy boots

&

Her wedding shoes

It's true a pair of shoes can change your life. Just ask Cinderella. What I really love about them... is the fact that they contain someone's personal history. It's funny that every pair I own means so much more to me because everyone of them tells a story, and has been apart of significant moments in my life. For women, shoes are so important. Good shoes take you good places.

The Reality of Fear.

You're not scared of the dark

you're scared of what's in the dark

you're not afraid of heights

you're afraid of falling

you're not afraid of the people around you

you're afraid of rejection

you're not afraid of love

you're afraid of not being loved in return

you're not afraid to let go

you're afraid to accept the reality that he's gone

you're not afraid to try again

you're afraid of getting hurt for the same reason


Think of all the things we could do if we had no fear.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of Power, and of Love, and of Sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7


I've always had this motivation to be this perfect person that I'm not. That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough.
And I've struggled with it for a long time, but I'm trying to move past my fear. I'm trying to accept that I'm not going to be perfect, and that I'm not going to meet all the expectations that have been set for me.
Someone once told me,
that the worst mistake anyone can make is to be too afraid to make one.
So I'm making mistakes and learning as I go

&

Replacing my Fear with

Faith

In The Hands of The Lord

Life is funny, isn’t it?

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out,

or just when you finally begin to plan something,

get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in,

 the paths change,

 the signs change,

the winds blow the other way.

 North is suddenly south,

east is west

 & you’re lost.

 It’s so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.

It's so easy to feel like things are so entirely screwed up.

That nothing in life is going the way you need it to

I saw this video the other day, of this amazing woman who has turned her trial into something beautiful, just like her.

Watch and let it change your life, just like it did mine

I found myself in the spot of self pitty and doubt.

Down-hearted on the things in my life that weren't going right.

Little things, that ultimately won't matter.

After watching this I was mad at myself.

Mad that I take so much for granted.

I've been blessed with the most amazing and supportive family.

I have adorable nieces and nephews who look up to me.

Friends who make me laugh and have given me memories to last a lifetime.

A healthy body that functions.

A home that I can come to everyday for refuge.

And a Gospel that saves my life everyday from the trials of this world.

I'm the luckiest girl alive.

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley

A Promise, Not a Label

The best advice I can give anyone, 

is to pick your best friend wisely.

I got really lucky with mine.

My best friend is

Funny

Intelligent

Creative

Beauitful

&

 Very Kind

She's also...

Out of Control

Frustrating

Complicated

&

Childish

But I would not have her any other way

& the best part of Alicia Card is that she's always there when I need her.

We've been inseparable for 4 years now and our friendship has become irrepacable.

We walk around talking to complete strangers.

Laugh for absolutely no reason at all.

Have stupid fights that are over in 10 minutes.

Attempt to dance and sing like the pros.

Have a billion "you-had-to-be-there" moments.

Make fun of eachother.

Act like we're on crack.

But most importantly..

no matter what happens,

we're always there for eachother,

through the good and bad times.
Because being best friends is a promise, not a label

 So here's to the years to come with my best friend right by my side.

Something To Set You Free

Have you ever woken up to a beautiful morning, and felt peace?
You realize you have the most amazing family that supports and loves you regardless of your flaws or short-comings.
You remember you have friends that are completely irreplacable. Friends that make you laugh so incredibly hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. Friends that you've made so many great memories with, that you almost feel bad that you've hogged them from the rest of the world.
You feel that comfort of knowing you're headed in the right direction and that despite the mistakes you've made, you know they've made you stronger.
That peace of knowing who you are.
I was lucky enough to have one of those mornings.

Happiness comes in many forms.
In the company of good friends,
in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dreams come true, or in a promise of hope renewed.
It’s ok to let yourself be happy,
because you never know how great that happiness might be.
Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life,
that you expect it to always be there,
because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t.
But then one day you feel something else.
Something that feels wrong only because it’s so unfamiliar,
and in that moment you realize...
you’re happy.


Embrace it.
Love it.
& Share it.
Because Happiness is only real when shared.

It Never Ends.

I don't think we ever stop loving someone.

That love may change, 

& over time it may not be the same type of love,

 but I don't believe it simply goes away.

 It doesn't matter how many times someone disappoints you,

 or breaks your heart into a million pieces.

you still care.

& that love is still there.

[I've said it before but..] 

 The greatest act of love is sacrafice.

We've all done it.

It's when you shed a tear and let him go,

even though he's the only one you want.

It's watching him fall in love with someone new, and having the courage to tell him

 you're happy for him.

 And it's because when you love someone,

 you set your selfish desires aside

 & all that matters

 is that they live happily ever after,

even if it's not with you.

 So don't be scared that you are still in love with someone,
[I know I'm not]

 because it's normal

 & it shows that you are capable of something deeper and more meaningful.

& because love...

never ends

A State of Vulnerability

I'm weird with relationships. I think I know what I want, and then I run. I think I run because I'm scared, scared that I might get hurt again. Or maybe I just haven't found someone I know is worth hurting for. I guess I am the way I am for a lot of reasons, and maybe most of them I'll never know but I do know I'm afraid of love. I am. I'm the type that likes things that are concrete, like the ocean, something you could point to and know what it is. I think that's why I struggle with love. I can't touch it. I can't hold on to it and make sure it never changes. So why keep searching for love?? I guess it's the possibility of love that keeps me going, not the guarantee. People (including myself) have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn’t like that. It’s a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes, it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So i guess i can't fear love when it comes, simply because it makes me vulnerable. I'll just be glad we I have the opportunity to experience it.

You Don't Need To Know

7 Things you don't need to know.

[only cause i love you tiff xo.]

1.  I'm not the kind of girl guys fall in love with. Guys already have the attention span of a guppy but when it comes to me, it's even shorter. I swear they are only interested for like a week and then they are completely over it. It's extremely frustrating.

2. If this wasn't already very apparent, I'm a food whore. I day dream about it, and crave it all day long. Nothing makes me happier then a big plate of food. Ahhh I'm in love.

3.  I'm a massive clean freak. My friends all know this but I absolutely hate dirt and messes. Call me OCD but seriously nothing is worse then a nasty bathroom of hair and junk, or a trashy room with stuff scattered every where.

4. I scrapbook. Yep, I just admitted it. I have for years now, and it's become quite an addiction. I document every moment of my life, and scrapbook it. Funny right. Now you know why I have a million picture on facebook. =]

5. I'm terrified of snakes. I like to think that I'm a pretty tough girl, but when it comes to snakes, if one gets even remotely close to me I'll cry. When I was eight my older sister thought it would be funny to throw a snake in on my bed while I was play barbie's. It scarred me for life.

6. I over anaylze everything. This is fairly typical of most girls but I swear I was born a worrier. I'm always so concerned of others feelings and I spend way too much time trying to make a situation perfect. I suppose it's a blessing and a curse.  

7. If you've read my blog you know this. I'm the biggest hopeless romantic. Call me crazy but I still believe in love. There's just something comforting knowing that you can find someone that will love you at your worst and hold you at your weakest. Love is beautiful, endearing, and absolutely exhausting, but strangely it's worth it. I'm a sucker for stuff like that.

Don't Forget to Fly

It's been a good minute since I've blogged, and I've felt that void in my life.
But once again I'm back rattling on about my thoughts and observations.
And lately I've come to doubt a lot of things in my life.
When those doubts pop into mind, I'm suddenly jealous of my former self.
Jealous of the time when I knew what I wanted and the world made sense.
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything

When fairytales were real and dreams came true.
When your biggest worry was who to tag at recess.
Back when life was simple

I want to believe again.
in a life worth living
in a true friendship worth keeping
&
in a love worth striving for.

I want to believe that on a planet of nearly 7 billion people, there is someone else who sees the world in the beautiful way I do.

So I'm learning how to believe in things again. And I have to remind myself often, because life wants me forget and give up.

So...  

I believe in the power of believing.
 I believe in fairy tales for what they can teach us about real life.
 I believe in happy endings, and believe they don’t always happen.
I believe in things that give us the courage and strength to continue on.
I believe it when someone says "you’re beautiful".
I believe that everyone deserves to be happy.
I believe that things happen for a reason and people come into your life, to not always stay, but to prepare you and make you into the person you're meant to be. 
I believe that we have choices and that we can choose wisely.
I believe that love exists.
I believe in my own intuition.
I believe that we are capable of doing so much more with our life than we're doing.
I believe that there is magic in the world.

But above all, I believe in myself.

A Beautiful Struggle.

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.


Love is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. We aren't taught how hard love is. How much work it takes. And how much of ourselves we have to put into it.

  

Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you that everything’s going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, and your heart into the palms of another person’s hand and said “here. Do what you will. Smash it into pieces. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.”

   

Love makes us crazy. It makes us invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And ultimately we need that someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.

Life is a challenge, and so is Love. Things never come easy in life. But with love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt... because love is an amazing feeling and in the end, it’s all worth it.



Fine & Dandy.

 This is your LIFE.

Do what you love. & do it often

If you don't like something, CHANGE it. 

If you don't like your job, QUIT.

If you don't have enough time, turn OFF the tv.

If you are looking for the love of your life, STOP;

[they will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love]

Stop over analyzing,
LIFE IS SIMPLE.

All emotions are Beautiful.

When you eat, APPRECIATE every last bite.

OPEN your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are UNITED in our differences.

Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.

TRAVEL OFTEN;
getting lost will help you find yourself.

Some opportunities only come once,
SEIZE them.

Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them. 

So go out and start Creating.

Life is SHORT.

[Live your dream & wear your passion]

 

Moments.

Do you ever wonder

if we make moments

 in our lives, 

or

if the moments in our lives make us?

If you could go back and change one thing about your life,
would you?

And if you did, would that change make your life better? 

Or would that change ultimately break your heart?Or break the heart of another? 

Or would you choose an

 entirely different path? 

Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? 

One moment

that you've

 always wanted back.

 

Regret
 comes in all shapes and sizes.
Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason.

 Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.

 Some of us escape the pain of regret by
making the right choice.

Some of us have little time
 for regret because we're
looking forward to the
future.

Sometimes we have to fight
to come to terms with the past,
and sometimes we bury our
 regret by promising to
change your own ways.

But, our
 biggest
regrets are not for the things we did
 but
for the things we

 didn't do.