Angel With A Shotgun

i've felt extremely alone the last little bit....
not just secluded but almost.... empty.....

there's not many people i can talk to and i don't think many actually care. but i'm starting to realize that God intended for this to happen.. i'm independent, stubborn, and think i can do everything on my own. but the truth is, i can't....

until today i wasn't sure just how much i could endure.. but now i've found with thanks to Him.... i'm stronger then i ever knew

i'm so thankful for His grace, love, and forgiveness...and his ability to pull me out of my hardest moments..out of the blue...

today i'm learning that standing alone doesn't mean i'm alone..
...that my strengths over power my weaknesses...
...that i'm stronger then anything life throws my way...

          ...that i'm an 

"trails are a compliment to the soul. either god is trying to streghten you for his purposed, or satan is trying to destroy you for his. in either case, it shows you are important and worth fighting for."

>>this song has been on repeat today.... tim/ne-yo you never let me down.

Not Lucky.. Blessed.

It's Thanksgiving again...

and even though I had a week from hell,

I have soo much to be thankful for.

I could spend hours writing a list of everything but there are a few things that I am especially thankful for.

The Power Of Love..

It still amazes me the sheer power love has.

It can make or break a family, a relationship, and a heart.

This is what we live for.

To love and be loved that is everything.

I'm thankful for the love I've received...

whether it was for an hour, a night, or a lifetime.

The Middle Moments..

Someone once told me, life is about moments.

So true. 

But what I'm thankful for is those middle moments,

when you don't quite know how you got where you are,

and you can't quite see the end.

middle moments.

I'm in one, and I despise it,

but I'm thankful for it because sometimes we have to experience the bad to appreciate the good.

The Things that Heal..

Certain things can just fix a broken heart,

for me those things are..

food and music.

food has a way of distracting me, and good food can, for even just a moment, bring happiness.

music soothes the soul, and it has a way of making me feel at ease and helps me forget.

The Beauty in The Breakdown..

I have had one of the hardest weeks of my life.

I'm not sure anyone realizes the heartbreak and ache I've gone and am going through. I'm still trying to get myself back.

But I've realized this,

"Don't be afraid to fall apart, it's a chance to rebuild yourself the way you always wanted to be."

I'm rebuilding, and healing,

 and I'm thankful for the opportunity to.

I'm so blessed. Even though I've complained a lot this week, I still love my life and everything about it. I hope that I show my gratitude more then just once a year, and I pray that I live worthy of this life I love.

Band of Horses - The Funeral by dancarr1981

In This City That Kills...

I'm drained. 

That really is the only way to describe it. 

There is nothing left in me.. 

I've emptied myself of tears.

Lost my appetite and my energy.

And completely lost my mind.

I can't say that the last 24 hours were the worst thing that could've happened. But it's pretty close. 

I lost in love. I lost in life.

...in a matter of six hours.

wow.

To say the least it rocked my world.

All that's left is a broke, broken girl.

if there was a way to shake this feeling of fear and heartache, I would. It's easy to look at the situation and say.....

"everything happens for a reason"

"time heals everything"

"at least you aren't hurt"

"what doesn't kill you makes you strong"

"everything is going to be okay"

NO.

everything is not okay. i'm failing to see the silver lining or lesson in this mess. how do you expect me to be optimistic when everything is going horribly wrong. 

No. i'm not dead. but i sure as hell feel like it.

Hell is empty.

and all the Devils are here.

Safetysuit-Gone Away 

Made In America

I'm sad this morning waking up and realizing that this nation has another four years with a president that has not put America first.

Romney didn't lose. America lost.

It would have been nice to see a man in office that knew what do to with money. 

Are Americans really okay with doing the same thing for another 4 years?

Are we that blind, that we can't see that this nation is not in a better, but worse state then it was in 2008.

BUT

What's done, is done.

Now what?

I suppose just hold our breathe.

Cross our fingers.

& pray that God will continue to guide and bless this country.

"Men may fail in this country, earthquakes may come, seas may heave beyond their bounds, there may be great drought, disaster, and hardship, but this nation, founded on principles laid down by men whom God raised up, will never fail. 

This is the cradle of humanity, where life on this earth began in the Garden of Eden. This is the place of the new Jerusalem. This is the place that the Lord said is favored above all other nations in all the world. 

This is the place where the Savior will come to His temple. This is the favored land in all the world.

 Yes, I repeat, men may fail, but this nation won't fail. 

I have faith in America; you and I must have faith in America , if we understand the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are living in a day when we must pay heed to these challenges."

-Harold B. Lee

Catching Dreams

"she believed in dreams alright,

 but she also believed in doing something about them. 

when prince charming didn't come along,

 she went over to the palace and got him."

i'm a day dreamer.

always have been. & always will be.

but lately i've caught myself dreaming far to often and about things that are completely odd.

everyone says that "everything happens for a reason"

if so.. someone explain to me why i can't shake this feeling.

i stumble to explain why i'm still smitten.

in this world, it's hard to get things right.

it's hard to know when we've made the right decision,

or if things always just work out the way they're supposed to.

all i know is i don't have to have

 it all figured out to move forward.

the world spins madly on, and doesn't wait for anyone.

but dreams are forever.