And So It Goes...

Honestly.

I don't know how it happened.

I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

It's been nearly 5 years since I met my best friend.

5 years of ups and downs.

drama and excitement.

adventures and memories.

all gone and meaningless in a blink of the eye.

and why?

because you are doing your own thing?

because suddenly I'm not one you want to spend time with?

because you can't take two minutes to call?

because suddenly it's not enough to be with your best friend?

why?

Why does our friendship suddenly mean nothing?

although, i shouldn't be surprised.

i've been dragging this friendship for quite awhile now.

 i've been the one putting in the effort.
the one trying to keep things together.

well....
i'm done.

i will no longer fight for those who don't fight for me.
why would i?
you sure didn't.

this isn't the first time and that's why i still have a glimmer of hope that someday in the near future we can get back to what we were. but for now, my heart hurts to think that the best of friends have become two strangers.

but lucky for me.. God blesses me daily, and
my heart excites that two strangers have become the best of friends.

An Epic Tale.

It went as fast as it came.

SUMMER

There is something about it that's so intoxicating.

Blue skies. Sun Rays. Sand.

Friends. Family. Summer love.

The good things in life.

if you are bored enough and have followed me.. 

you know about my bucket list

here is my update.

out of the 50 on my list

i completed 38.

now i didn't get to all of them, but the great thing about not going to school, is i have plenty of time to complete my list 

[& i fully intend to.]

In a recap, It has been an AMAZING summer.

I don't know what it does to me..but i love it.

I love the moments and the memories.

It's everything I live for.

&& the best buzz I'll EVER find

 [the anthem to my summer]

Sunday Night Slow Jams.

"It's true, and in a moment of startling clarity, I see it. 

It's very simple. 

This is why I'm so reluctant--- because on some basic, fundamental level, I recognize within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished."

Lee Carr - The Way We Used To Be
ChrisBrown-SayGoodbye(1)
Beyoncé feat. R.Kelly - If I Were A Boy (un)Official Video
Song For The Broken Hearted (Lee Carr)
Monica - Angel of Mine
All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo
09 - Because Of You - NE-YO
Best Thing I Never Had
Chris Brown - With you
Rihanna - California King Bed Original

Sometimes all you need is a little music to say the words that can't be spoken.

Long Live Your Fight.

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation?

Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting through the tears. 

You’re fighting.

 To be hopeful in bad times is not foolishly romantic.

 It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.

 If we only see the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places- and there are so many- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. 

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is a marvelous victory.

Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people and situations change.

 

You & Improved.

She only felt afraid when she spent too much time thinking about the past or projecting into the future. When she focused on whatever life has placed right in front of her in this moment, she knew she would be okay.

Dating is so complicated, 

and almost near impossible in utah valley.

everyone has too many options,

and most people have commitment issues.

very few know how to communicate well,

and there is so much assumption. 

 I think we all deserve better.

 I think that boys/girls need to make up their minds,

 and figure out what they want.

 If you want something, you’re going to have to fight for it.

It's all so much easier then we portray it to be.

it's simple.

find what makes you happy 

and who makes you happy

& you're set.

promise.

I'm guilty of letting other things get in the way.

and possibly missing out on great opportunities and relationships.

but i don't regret where i'm at.

 & i'll never regret him or say i wish i never met him because once upon a time he was exactly what i needed

 I miss him. No, let me correct that, I miss the old him. I miss the old him that cared about me and the old him that would treat me so well. The old him that would talk to me every day and always have me smiling. I miss the him that made me happy and knew what to say at any given point in time. 

I miss the old us.

But i've realized how important it is to spend time alone.

to find strength in your self.

to be your own definition.

"we woman have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.

we have to decide what's important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. 

we have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. 

we have to learn to be content with what we are."

-

Marjorie Pay Hinkley 

Free Falling (Tom Petty/John Mayer) by Wire and Wood