Angel With A Shotgun

i've felt extremely alone the last little bit....
not just secluded but almost.... empty.....

there's not many people i can talk to and i don't think many actually care. but i'm starting to realize that God intended for this to happen.. i'm independent, stubborn, and think i can do everything on my own. but the truth is, i can't....

until today i wasn't sure just how much i could endure.. but now i've found with thanks to Him.... i'm stronger then i ever knew

i'm so thankful for His grace, love, and forgiveness...and his ability to pull me out of my hardest moments..out of the blue...

today i'm learning that standing alone doesn't mean i'm alone..
...that my strengths over power my weaknesses...
...that i'm stronger then anything life throws my way...

          ...that i'm an 

"trails are a compliment to the soul. either god is trying to streghten you for his purposed, or satan is trying to destroy you for his. in either case, it shows you are important and worth fighting for."

>>this song has been on repeat today.... tim/ne-yo you never let me down.

With Every Inch....

Learn to  the fool in you

 the one who feels too much,

 talks too much, 

takes too many chances,

 wins sometimes and loses often, 

lacks self control,

 loves and hates, 

hurts and gets hurt,

 promises and breaks promises,

 laughs and cries.

 It alone protects you against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom you also harbor and who would rob you of human aliveness, humility, and dignity.

04-natasha bedingfield-neon lights by mbOp

And So It Goes...

Honestly.

I don't know how it happened.

I'm still trying to make sense of it all.

It's been nearly 5 years since I met my best friend.

5 years of ups and downs.

drama and excitement.

adventures and memories.

all gone and meaningless in a blink of the eye.

and why?

because you are doing your own thing?

because suddenly I'm not one you want to spend time with?

because you can't take two minutes to call?

because suddenly it's not enough to be with your best friend?

why?

Why does our friendship suddenly mean nothing?

although, i shouldn't be surprised.

i've been dragging this friendship for quite awhile now.

 i've been the one putting in the effort.
the one trying to keep things together.

well....
i'm done.

i will no longer fight for those who don't fight for me.
why would i?
you sure didn't.

this isn't the first time and that's why i still have a glimmer of hope that someday in the near future we can get back to what we were. but for now, my heart hurts to think that the best of friends have become two strangers.

but lucky for me.. God blesses me daily, and
my heart excites that two strangers have become the best of friends.

An Epic Tale.

It went as fast as it came.

SUMMER

There is something about it that's so intoxicating.

Blue skies. Sun Rays. Sand.

Friends. Family. Summer love.

The good things in life.

if you are bored enough and have followed me.. 

you know about my bucket list

here is my update.

out of the 50 on my list

i completed 38.

now i didn't get to all of them, but the great thing about not going to school, is i have plenty of time to complete my list 

[& i fully intend to.]

In a recap, It has been an AMAZING summer.

I don't know what it does to me..but i love it.

I love the moments and the memories.

It's everything I live for.

&& the best buzz I'll EVER find

 [the anthem to my summer]

Long Live Your Fight.

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation?

Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting through the tears. 

You’re fighting.

 To be hopeful in bad times is not foolishly romantic.

 It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.

 If we only see the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places- and there are so many- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. 

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is a marvelous victory.

Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people and situations change.

 

Today Today, I Want To Run Away.

Welcome to life.
                unexpected.
                hard.
                frustating.
                unfair.
                terrifying.


Why is it so completely unfair. And why is it so hard to forgive and even harder to forget. I wanna forget last night. I want to go back to thinking that there are people out there that still fight for what they want most. I want to believe that my waiting hasn't been in vain, that there is someone out there that's waiting for me.


I'm not perfect. Far from..... But I'm trying. I want to be the best woman for my future husband, and I hope and pray that he is trying to be the best for me. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world. That’s just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. The rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase. The choices you make. And the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time.

And the rest of your life starts right now.



The Narrative - Eyes Closed by dayum

Let It Play Out

A few rules: 


1.) Never stop thinking. This is so important. If someone ever says to you “you need to stop thinking so much,” call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupid people. Your mind is the most important thing you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy.


2.) Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second.


3.) Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality. 

4.) You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.


5.) Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant. 


6.) Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence. 


7.) Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except for you. 


8.) Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone you have more in common with? 


9.) There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. 


10.) We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary. 


11.) It’s not half empty or half full. It’s half a glass. 


12.) Every now and then, you take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existance. 


13.) Everyone is a hypocrite. Get over it.  


14.) You will always succeed in trying. 


15.) We are all crazy. 


16.) We are all about as similar as we are different. 


17.) Ideas are about as valuable as people. 


22.) Numbers don’t have to go in order. 


18.) Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real. 


19.) Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what’s important. 


20.) Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket, to taking an impulse trip to another country. Remind the world you are still here. 


21.) Don’t take anything too seriously.

For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. This is it: there’s nothing else. It’s here and you’d better decide to enjoy it or you’re going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever.

The Storm - Elenowen by Brite Revolution

Inconsistent Insanity

When it comes to wanting something really badly, I’ve never been a patient person.

 I want my degree, 

I want my career, 

I want my future.

 I don’t want to wait for it. 

I've also always liked to be in control of my life. 

I don’t know very many people that like to be out of control,

 but I know that I am certainly not one of them. 

BUT

Sometimes not being in control is the most beautiful thing in the world.

A lot has happened. And i can't tell you how nice it would be to be in control of the chaos in my life. it's been rough.

This week has been a lot of self reflection. 

Who i am.

       What i am doing.

  Where i am.

        Where i am going.

            Who is going with me.

Now the way i define happiness, is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be. And i'm immensely happy...... i am. but some how i know there is more out there for me. i'm not sure what that something is... but it's out there.


I think i've learned that i have to let my guard down. At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So i can waste my life drawing lines, or i can live my life crossing them. 

i'm losing control and crossing the lines.

Since I Met You by joshkaymusic

The Sun Is Up

HEY YOU. 

Yes, you.

 Stop being unhappy with yourself.

 You are perfect. 

Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people like you as much as they like someone else. 

Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you.

 Stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. 

Love them.

 Without those things, you wouldn’t be you and why would you want to be anyone else? 

Be confident with who you are. 

Smile.

 It’ll draw people in.

 If anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself, then that’s their problem. 

My happiness will not depend on others anymore....

I’m happy because I love who I am.

 I love my flaws.

 I love my imperfections.

 They make me “me.” 

And “me” is pretty amazing.

[and how incredible is this cover. woah]

Payphone - Maroon 5 Alex G Acoustic Cover ft James... by Alicia Zimmermann

In The Eye of The Beholder

 Real beauty is being aware of yourself and honest about who you are. 

When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you look beautiful on the outside, regardless of how many flaws you have.

 My flaws?

 I break out. My hair usually doesn't lay perfectly. I have a lazy eye. I don't have the body of a model.

 But all of that is just being human.

[a wise woman told me]:

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that’s the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows; the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years

You're beautiful.

 Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

What Makes You Different by lalala7

The Best Medicine

When they say laughter is the best medicine... 

they weren't kidding

[found this little beauty today. great friends. hilarious moments]

Gone To Soon.

The undefined span of life is a scary thing.

Some of us get to live a long fulfilling life.

Others leave this world far too soon.

and it's tragic when they do.

What would you say or do, 

knowing that you may not see someone again?

Would you be a little more kind?

Would you express how much you love them?

Would you appreciate their presence a little more?

We'll never know how long our time is..

But I think that's the point....

God doesn't tell us when or why because we have to learn to appreciate what's around us.

we have to learn to appreciate the people and the relationships.

Four young, amazing hearts were lost this weekend.

Sons. Brothers. Uncles. Friends.

It's a shame to see such great lives ended so soon.

Tanner Holt. 

Jordan Chapman.

Alex Metzger.

Colby Hafen.

My prayers go out to the families of these men, in hopes that they will be comforted in knowing God has something better in store for them.

JORDAN: Although we didn't get the opportunity to know eachother, I was blessed to talk with you and see a portion of the great person I know you are. And I hope that some day we'll get the chance to hang out like we planned.

You are missed.

look at those you love around you?

they are here!

enjoy them. cherish them. and express your love for them.

 Life is too short for half-hearted connections and meaningless run-throughs.

2 Soon by Jon Young

Behind That "Pretty" Face

I love that everyone has a story.

Think of the hundreds of people you interact with daily.

Do you really see them?

or are they simply a passing face?

It's easy to be rude.

It's easy to insult.

It's easy to hurt.

It's so much easier to find the bad in others than to look for the good.

We're all so wrapped up in our own little worlds that we forget that others exist.
we blind ourself to the people around us,
and it's a shame!

  if you sit down and talk with people, you realize everyone has a story.

When you live with that in mind, you treat others with more respect.

 Believe the best in people; we’re all going through stuff.

 People you would never expect to have a single hard day in their lives have been through some real tragedies.

So do you see who is actually behind that pretty face..?
cause there is more to her then most will ever know.

Natasha Bedingfield - Strip Me (Less Is More Version) by vipvictor