Catching Dreams

"she believed in dreams alright,

 but she also believed in doing something about them. 

when prince charming didn't come along,

 she went over to the palace and got him."

i'm a day dreamer.

always have been. & always will be.

but lately i've caught myself dreaming far to often and about things that are completely odd.

everyone says that "everything happens for a reason"

if so.. someone explain to me why i can't shake this feeling.

i stumble to explain why i'm still smitten.

in this world, it's hard to get things right.

it's hard to know when we've made the right decision,

or if things always just work out the way they're supposed to.

all i know is i don't have to have

 it all figured out to move forward.

the world spins madly on, and doesn't wait for anyone.

but dreams are forever.

Youth Triangle.

"Whether we like it or not,

 whether we try to or not, 

whether we fight it or not, 

we always end up falling for the one 

who is horribly wrong for us"

I've really come to understand this the last couple weeks. 

We never fall the person we should, the guy that sweet and kind, we fall for the bad boys. The ones that keep us guessing, test our limits and break our hearts.

 THE GOOD.

He's sooo different. 
He's funny and charming, exactly what I need right now.
When we met it was a breath of fresh air.
Finally someone I could just sit and laugh with for hours, and not feel like I had to put up a front.
Things just came easy.
I feel secure with him.

Sounds like heaven right...
Not exactly.
I'm notorious for falling for those so far away from me 
There is nothing I hate more then a long distance relationship.
It has ruined things in the past and I'm concerned that it's going to hinder this one.
I mean how do you begin and build a relationship from 700 miles apart.
You just don't.
I just need him here.

THE BAD.

I really didn't think that I'd fall for him.. I honestly didn't.
 I could just tell from the beginning that he was the type of guy to steer clear from.
 Well that plan failed...

At the beginning there were no feelings, and I was okay with that, 

I wanted it like that

Well, I always say... Prepare to be Surprised!

I can without a doubt tell you that I am more than surprised..

I'm shocked.

He wasn't suppose to be caring, or understanding.

He wasn't supposed to listen or ask me how my day was.

He wasn't suppose to make me feel anything

but he did...

I think it's normal to have expectations.

Maybe that's the control freak in me, but I like knowing how people will act and knowing how situations will turn out.

This has definitely thrown me for a loop.

I don't know what to do or how to act now..

I'll admit.. 

I'm a light weight 

easy to fall 

easy to break

That's what makes me so afraid.

I'm afraid to let him in, 

I'm worried he'll prove me right.

but

on the flip side...

I'm intrigued.

I love how he's taken me by surprise,
and upset my plans.

THE UGLY.

So now what?!
That's the ugly part.
That's the part I'm trying to avoid.

They Say Good Things Take Time..

You're interesting

and you're different

 and I like that 

I've needed that.

You're a breath of fresh air.

a moment of relief.

I'm giddy again.

Like the cute little girl on her first day of school.

I'm blushing.
all smiles.
&& giggles. 

                      I think i'm....

For that smile...
            that laugh...
                       those eyes...

It's that moment when you don't want to admit you're smitten.
&& tangled up in feelings 

Save My Heart by Dianne Joy Pico

You & Improved.

She only felt afraid when she spent too much time thinking about the past or projecting into the future. When she focused on whatever life has placed right in front of her in this moment, she knew she would be okay.

Dating is so complicated, 

and almost near impossible in utah valley.

everyone has too many options,

and most people have commitment issues.

very few know how to communicate well,

and there is so much assumption. 

 I think we all deserve better.

 I think that boys/girls need to make up their minds,

 and figure out what they want.

 If you want something, you’re going to have to fight for it.

It's all so much easier then we portray it to be.

it's simple.

find what makes you happy 

and who makes you happy

& you're set.

promise.

I'm guilty of letting other things get in the way.

and possibly missing out on great opportunities and relationships.

but i don't regret where i'm at.

 & i'll never regret him or say i wish i never met him because once upon a time he was exactly what i needed

 I miss him. No, let me correct that, I miss the old him. I miss the old him that cared about me and the old him that would treat me so well. The old him that would talk to me every day and always have me smiling. I miss the him that made me happy and knew what to say at any given point in time. 

I miss the old us.

But i've realized how important it is to spend time alone.

to find strength in your self.

to be your own definition.

"we woman have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.

we have to decide what's important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. 

we have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. 

we have to learn to be content with what we are."

-

Marjorie Pay Hinkley 

Free Falling (Tom Petty/John Mayer) by Wire and Wood

Refuse To Sink

I'm learning not to sweat the small stuff

 This year has been about finding strength within myself- 

not looking to others for it.

It hasn't always been this way.

I've been that girl that depended on a man,

that couldn't let go and that couldn't see when she was being taken advantage of.

I'd fall in love when I was lonely, not when I was ready.

I can admit....

I was an emotional and mental mess.
I call it my 3-D phase.
when I was delusional, in denial, and damaged.

I think every girl goes through that phase.

[at least i hope so, so i'm not alone on this.]

 I don’t know why we all hang on to something we know we’re better off letting go. Its like we’re scared to lose what we really don’t have. Some of us say we’d rather have that something than nothing, but the truth is to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all

Here's the reality of the situation:

She will chase you around for awhile; but there’s going to be a day when she’s going to stop running in circles around you. She’s going to get over you & at that very moment, you’re going to wish you had let her catch you.

Momma's always told me...

The smartest thing a woman can do, is to learn that her happiness does not depend on a man.

Wherever You Will Go by Charlene Soraia